SCU's best and worst intramural team names
TSC reporter ranks intramural team names
Published: Thursday, May 5, 2011
Updated: Friday, May 6, 2011 13:05
With a slew of Big Greens, Charlie Sheens, Team Awesomes/Wins, Monstars and enough ball references to make mommy wonder what went wrong, we're kicking off our first inaugural appraisal of Santa Clara's best and worst intramural team names. Relevance, creativity, ingenuity, and hilarity are all factored in.
10) Off in the Woods (Men's Soccer): Makes you wonder what these fellas are doing off in the woods. I advise against following them into the foliage where the wild things are.
9) DBK United (Men's Soccer): The Dirty Booty Kings have returned for another year of dirtiness. All they need now is for Captain Spencer Chavez to grow a playoff stache to compete with Adam Morrison for dirtiest stache this side of the Rockies.
8) Multiple Scoregasms (Co-Rec Soccer and Football): Only fell this far due to the multiple usages by other teams. One can only imagine how many scoregasms these guys have tallied.
7) Jamba Jews (Men's Tennis Doubles): The most flavorful duos around, these fellas have combined powers to defend the Torah and bagels everywhere.
6) Balls Deep (Men's Softball): How deep? Balls deep.
5) I Think Therefore I Slam (3v3 Men's Basketball): In the past, Captain Jake Teeny has struggled with the concept of thinking before slamming. However, it seems he and his fellow slammers have finally figured it out and more importantly, thought it out.
4) Male Cameltoes (Men's Soccer): Also commonly referred to as the Moose Knuckle, these field frolickers have the tightest skivvies around.
3) Droppin Deuces (Men's Tennis Doubles): When these two studs are not off Droppin Deuces, they're busy straddling the line between luck and love while keeping their balls out of the net.
2) The Sons of Pitches (Co-Rec Softball): Clever, relevant and funny. That is what it's all about people.
1) Masterbatters (Co-Rec Softball): Practice makes perfect, and from first hand experience I can tell you that these guys collectively have done enough master-batting to consistently stroke it with either hand. Led by Captain Kathleen Carlsen, the pure tenacity with which this group of misfits masterbats is just frightening.
Some of the honorable mentions for the best include Toot it & Boot it, Team Win, Mountain, and The Claire and Katie Team, Bobs Mother, #1, Pow, and Rhymes Schymitamite. But with the best, also come the worst.
10) King Arthur and His Merry Men (3v3 Men's Basketball): With Captain Justin Graham styling himself as King Arthur and leader of the pack, it's going to take more than just a little prodding and poking to keep this boy band in line.
9) Hand Party (3v3 Men's Basketball): I wasn't invited and I'm kind of bitter about it. Nobody throws a hand party quite like these boys and the sooner I can swallow that, the easier it will be.
8) F*ck Your Couch (3v3 Men's Basketball): Don't get me wrong. One of my favorite songs and Chappelle sayings of all time, but just not cuttin' it when there is such a plethora of other names to be had.
7) Sorry Bro (Men's Tennis Doubles): Do real bros even play tennis? I dunno, I think I'm gonna have to check with the bro bible.
6) The Clams (3v3 Men's Basketball): If these clams were a bit sandier or saucier then maybe they would have had a shot at dethroning Big D. But for now they sit cold and clammy at number 6.
5) Dirty Monkeys (Co-Rec Softball): They're dirty and they're monkeys. Yep, the name pretty much sums them up.
4) Your Mother (Co-Rec Soccer): C'mon, that's just rude.
3) ABDCE (Girls Softball): FGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ... ahhh now I get it. They're just missing the rest of their friends!
2) Broncos (3v3 Women's Basketball): Little to no imagination. Makes you wonder what these ladies are going to name their kids...
1) Big D No Lube (Men's Softball): Hard to decide if this should be the number one best or worst... The sheer audacity of the name warrants recognition, but let's keep in mind that we attend a Jesuit school and that you have to make at least a small effort to make names like this relevant to the sport you are partaking in. Saying this, tip of the hat fellas.
Honorable mention for the worst include Wango Tango Foxtrot, Integral of e to the xy, Soft Ballin, Robinho Hood, Yuck Yuck Goose, Steady Mobbers, London Dispersion Forces, and Hot and Dangerous.
Contact Eric Nelson at firstname.lastname@example.org or (408) 551-1918
*This story represents the opinions of Eric Nelson, and not those of Santa Clara University or The Santa Clara.